Your imagination can penetrate life.
feels like summer.
enjoy this simple yoga sequence as the sun sets this evening.
this is a flashback video–back when I had a different website, before I shaved my head.
I like to say this hair is my tribute to FRIDA K.
Ahhh… there’s an art to being yourself. it’s the kind of art that evolves as your experiences, energy, and realizations morph and ground you.
keep creating yourself and life’ll never be dull.
☆
michelle bernard
who hasn’t got a gnarly stash of ‘em?
In the past, I mainly journaled to navigate challenges. By challenges, I mean relationships. After graduation, I cried on a yellow legal pad as my first grown-up “love” dissolved. We’d moved in together. The skid from college and its comforts (including a social conglomerate of which I sat high on the pyramid) down to adulthood, gave me diaper burn. To assimilate I charged a pair of khakis and a full-sized futon with the Discover card I had no way to pay off, and I clocked in with the rest of the grown folks. I’d moved to Chicago to follow destiny which was supposed to include bright light, big city realness and a forever bond with my dude. Instead, I nestled into the only stable relationship within reach: the one with my journal.
How many ways could my pen write disappointed? My journal knew them all. Heartsick over my “roommate” plus contempt for my soulless job forced my lips into a permanent frown. On weekends when I wasn’t taking a 12-hour nap or eating, I’d scribble why and WTF over the legal pad. Because of good time-management, I’d usually squeeze in equal parts of all three. Eventually my roomie boyfriend resurrected his bed back at his mama’s house. I was left to plummet into the deep blue futon abyss—alone, pissed, and puzzled.
I was living and working full-time in the big city, wasn’t I? Wasn’t this one of my dream bubbles? I’d gotten some of what I asked for plus some of what I didn’t, like withdrawal symptoms over losing boundless friends and a rapidly thickening waist and hip circumference. With tubes of room temperature cookie dough to keep me company
(I don’t think salmonella poisoning actually exists) and a Sade record on repeat, I entered into Saturday night staring contests. Eyes on the phone, then the wall, then the phone again. Twenty-two years in Eastern Iowa had not prepared me for the reality I was experiencing. Why were people so eager to become adults? My inner Voice groveled when I wrote about this in my journal. Toughen up, girl. The Voice said. Organize a city attitude. Go hang out in coffee shops like you did in school.
Plop me in any city, anywhere on a map, and in three weeks I can tell you where the coolest cafes are. In that LA cafe under The Bodhi Tree bookstore I wrote myself into and out of a romance with an older man who had four Emmys and a casual habit with cocaine and pot. Doma Cafe in Greenwich Village felt like Italy. I’d dedicate twenty minutes of journaling to exorcise my real-life Gnome, Phil, who was my Italian lover and ex-boss. Afterward, I would slog through first drafts of college papers with Lauren who wrote the foreword to this book. Oh, then there’s Max Cafe. I wrote half this book there. I journaled at Max more than any other cafe in New York City. Journaling at Max got me through two other romances—one weird and one amazing, and… Let me stop right here to ease your mind again: this is not a book about the best cafes across the country nor is it about how to get over your exes. It’s just that my journals were bridges over those kinds of challenges. Journaling handed me an understanding of why I choose certain relationships. You know what else I want to tell you? Journaling about my lovers in cafes fared safer for me. Seriously, how much cursing or crying could I get away with on a public sofa?
The journal has been a mirror. Regarding relationships, my journal revealed what I was allowing and what I was blocking. The entries reflected what I really thought beneath my surface. I was uninspired by the concept of marriage. During adolescence, I lacked faith in the forever scenario. I considered marriage a fairy tale. I didn’t believe forever love was real.
I never journaled about my wedding or imagined the perfect dress. I didn’t cry when tin cans rattled from car bumpers. I gave my pen and imagination to romance. I dreamed of having conversations on the terrace at sunset, sharing dinners in cozy restaurants, singing and playing games during long car rides. I wrote about these things as much I wrote about my distrust of matrimony. Connection, romance, and friendship were my ideas of relationship bliss. The things I wanted and the things I feared about relationships, I experienced in real- life. It was is common for my exes to call years after the break-up to chat, be friendly, and ask me out for cozy dinners. It made sense that I kept becoming buddies ever-after with my long-term boyfriends.
This pattern matched the decision I’d made unconsciously, a belief I’d programmed unknowingly. I manifested the kinds of relationships I was available to receive. If I wanted to manifest a life-long bond or a lasting marriage, I would have to imagine, decide, declare, and believe in one. I’m doing that now in my journal.
Okay, what I just told you about my relationship imprint is a recent revelation. My journal exposed my contradictions to love while I was writing this book. I can envision and declare the kind of love I desire, now. Right there… another reason why I’m happy today, and another reason why I journal every day.
beyond words is available on Amazon.
I’ve been leaving breadcrumbs that mark my path to feeling good. I’ve never felt as good as lately.
This is the last 5 of the 50 reasons I’ve turned an emotional corner. I had to think long to come up with 5 more reasons. Mostly it’s because I simply had to tweak a few things and raise my eyebrows to a new perspective to get to this state of long-lived fulfillment.
You can look back at the last 10 posts to see what’s under this happy-hood of mine. I’m sure I’ve written things that’ll make you smile. Isn’t that the point?
Here we go.
46. I changed my idea of happiness.
The word HAPPINESS has become FULFILLMENT to me.
47. I rarely complain for the sake of being pissed.
If Whenever I do complain, I immediately look to my left for a solution–any solution that will give me peace or help me see my situation from a new perspective.
48. I live by my personal mission: If you spend time with me, you will leave feeling better than when you came.
I wanna listen. I wanna hear you. I wanna let you feel cherished and seen. I wanna connect. I wanna tell you: YOU CAN. I wanna tell you: Go forward.
I see myself, I see you.
I am me because of you. Nelson Mandela said that. Yep. I am me because of you.
49. Coffee. I just love it.
It’s good for you/it’s bad for you. They can’t figure it out. It’s bulletproof, it’s contaminated.
To me, it’s my soulmate when I journal, write books, read, walk through the city, talk to my brothers at the kitchen table when I visit. Coffee must be good for me. I just love it.
50. I live like I could die one day.
I have little time to waste. You too.
We are all gonna… you know, croak. I realized this early. I lost my loved ones when I was a young woman.
Not only did I mourn over losing them, but I mourned what they might have lost: TIME. OPPORTUNITIES. DREAMS.
I know I’ve got time (now), opportunities (which is another way of saying: COURAGE), and dreams (to live in every city I love, to teach women around the world, to live in an artist’s loft in paradise, to share my wild with as many people as possible).
I live every day without letting fear choke my time, opportunities, or dreams.
Won’t you join me.
Come alive. It’s a blast.
www.liveaboveordinary.com
I’ve been busy. Clearly.
The remaining 10 items I’m adding to my 50 ways to happy are definitely worth presenting.
Actually, having time between turning 50 and getting closer to 51 has clarified the last 10 reasons for my happy. I really want you to think about these next 5 items and consider how they impact your life and fulfillment.
Here we go.
5 words that embody my way of living a happier life.
I teach exercise to 100s of women (and dudes) every week. They are not just faces and bodies to me. I learn their names, listen to their life stories, vault their secrets. Being connected to other people is how I see my life as valuable past an egocentric lie.
My connection to my students and clients has deepened my ability to feel and love. It has increased my empathy. It has shortened my distance to loneliness. It has increased my ability to feel love and know that I am loved.
Michelle Bernard: the D word from Michelle Bernard on Vimeo.
Okay, here’s the deal. I welcome DISCIPLINE and COMMITMENT because I am terrified of REGRET.
I don’t own any REGRET. I’d rather be scared than regretful. I’d rather be overwhelmed and busy than regretful. I’d rather be humiliated than regretful. I know how that sounds.
Humiliation really sucks. But humiliation doesn’t last as long as regret. People remember the energy you bring forth in your/their now more than the stuff you put in front of them in the past.
Live in the now and plan for the future.
Regret gets a lot of air when you stand craning your neck over your shoulder.
Look forward. Dream yourself totally alive. Journal your goals. See them fulfilled.
Your now-steps will move with pep. Try it.
Your imagination can penetrate your reality. It always does.
Whatever you rehearse the most in your mind, you will make your reality.
I know this now.
If you don’t know it, pay attention to the images, beliefs, and outcomes you keep rehearsing.
You can imagine your life amazing.
But I am extremely imperfect in some embarrassing ways. Perfectionism was a plastic bag knotted over my face.
My voice is high, and I sound like I’m 12 on the phone.
I curse at home -far too much.
I’d rather be all the things that I feel, especially when I’m creating living.
When I decided to write for magazines, I couldn’t get Michelle to spill the real deal. Maybe it would hurt folks. Maybe she wasn’t so nice.
I had to find another Voice to take my pen.
Find your VOICE and speak your truth. It will give you peace.
We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
–Dr. Suess
Niagara Falls–seriously {have you seen it from Canada?}, paws of dogs, brownies that glisten, really great acting like in THE FIGHTER and DOUBT, Christmas lights all year, the smell of lilacs, espresso freddo from Greece, lifting weights like a dude, dancing like a goddess, RuPaul, headstands, imaging headstands without using my hands, reading other people’s lives, over-coming, ecstatic positions most women love, telling the truth, trustworthy friends, a spotlight, Barbra Streisand, bossa nova, listening, my journal.
too much cardio, finding a man to make you whole, professional complainers, taking advice from folks who haven’t done sh*t, indecision, phobias toward any kind of human being, sneezers who don’t cover their mouths or farters who don’t leave the room or say excuse me – you really make me sick!, fast yoga, playas {not talking about beaches}, listening or talking to people who are not listening, beige.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
–Dr. Suess
38. Have a WiLD tomato
I am untidy and unabashedly blemished.
I like to use my hands to Write, imagine, Listen, and Declare every morning. For the last 4 years straight, I start the day by drinking inspiration and spilling introspection. I journal (and drink cold coffee in my goblet).
My free-writing style of journaling is raw and WiLD.
On the days when I can’t sit for my usual 40 minutes of WiLD journaling , I pare down to a sizable portion and dump out my feelings, describe my future, talk myself through a goal, or wade through my ideas to come to a decision.
For 25 minutes, I write WiLD.
I call those untamed journaling chunks the WiLD Tomato.
Francesco Cirillo, is the creator of The Pomodoro Technique, a timed writing technique to increase focus and minimize distraction. An activity is chunked into a 25-minute block for total immersion. He used a kitchen timer shaped like a pomodoro tomato to keep time. Tomato is a nod to Pomodoro.
I even use my tomato timer.
On Amazon.
So happy.
That’s why I imagine my future once a week with my journal.
I started doing this in 2002. Eric Butterworth, of Unity Church, talked about writing the whole day the morning of the day.
I’ve always imagined my future using visualization, starting way back in the kid zone.
TODAY, write a day-in-the-life of YOUR future.
And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed!
—Dr. Suess
The more time you spend hanging out and laughing with yourself, the more you’ll wanna date you again.
I went to RuPaul’s Drag convention below–with myself. It aroused my inner goddess. Plus, I got ta bond with some sexy, gorgeous strangers.
I went to coffee, then to write the other day–with myself. Michelle cracked me up. We enjoyed each other’s company tremendously.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
Hope these make you live!
See ya next week. Till then, live above ordinary.
I will, too.
I know the question off in the wings…
Do you ever get blue anymore?
Hells ya. I get angry, frustrated, nasty, scared, and disappointed. But none of that lasts very long. Not like it used to.
Hope these make you live!
I will, too.
Whenever I’ve tried to do everything at once, I’ve just gotten confused and overwhelmed. 
I could fill this page with accomplishments that happened because I got focused and aimed all my energy at one goal.
Try it. It’ll give you life.
I could fill this page with accomplishments that happened because I got focused and aimed all my energy at one goal. Try it. It'll give you life. Click To Tweet
If you don’t, you’ll feel exhausted or invisible. Nuff said.
Movement will lead to something: something new, something desired, something better understood, something you want, even if it’s different from what you thought you wanted. Who knows?
But these options feel better than regret.
Movement will lead to something: something new, something desired, something better understood, something you want, even if it's different from what you thought you wanted. Who knows? But these options feel better than regret. Click To Tweet
This finishes my thought in #23.
Be bold in your belief. Who do you think you are?
I’m tired. I’m sick of it. I’m not that type. I don’t… I have too much… I don’t like…
Hope these make you live!
See ya next week. Till then, live above ordinary.
I will, too.
I didn’t feel so good 8 years ago. I was frustrated, though no one knew it. I smiled all the time, but inside I wasn’t content with my life experience.
It was puzzling.
I had a great one bedroom apartment in New York city, an adorable puppy, a couple very close friends, and a job that was fulfilling.
I made a dance video one afternoon. I danced my emotion out for 4 minutes and afterward I bathed in sweat and joy. The next week I did it again. After several more, I named the collection of VIDS: Celebration of Life series.
When I decided to celebrate life, every part of my life, every emotion, every experience, every day; my happy returned.
Life isn’t a ladder. It’s simply a celebration.
I’ve decided to share 5 ways that I celebrate my happy over 10 weeks of posts.
I had the best divorce ever last year. It was great because we are still friends. We talk on the phone for hours at a time–not often, but we still share important bits from our lives with each other.
I spoke directly to my ex-husband about creating an outcome that would please us both. He agreed.
I feel great, too.
I understand that we all need to discharge our thoughts about people and situations. We need to talk to somebody if we’re afraid or frustrated. I get it.
Even though I do not like it, there’s something I can learn from it.
I’m learning that it looks ugly when folks put people down. I don’t want to look ugly that way.
Also, when I’m around this sort of conversation, I don’t say anything, I say something nice or… you know what?… I think I’ll just walk away.
The first time I said it was to my college boyfriend at age 20, and he had to give me 3 months to get all three words out together.
Everything you experience, whether liked or not liked, matters if you’re open to learning something new or willing to evolve something you’ve learned earlier.
And because I believe in the prayers, because I expect them to be answered, they are. Not always in the way or shape I’ve asked, but they are always answered.
The more I notice, the more I’ll notice.
Till then,
Michelle Bernard
I’m sounding two trumpets.
One, because I turned 50 last month, and one because I finally made it to experience daily happiness.
I don’t mind the discomfort of staying in shape. My hands tingle when I lift heavy weights. I don’t wear workout gloves. I could care less about the callouses. The pain of getting stronger and tighter is worth it.
I don’t mind sweating. I don’t care if my hair gets frizzy and wild, as long as I’m fit, flexible, and able to dance into bliss. Dancing lights me up.
Training others to get strong lights me up. Writing lights me up. Being an artist lights me up.
I played school, changed my voice to speak for all my dolls, wrote short stories about large families filled with love, journaled, daydreamed about big city living, did mini-performances for anyone who would watch, smiled all the time.
In the last twenty years my greatest joys came from teaching large fitness classes, recording audio and dance video for my business, living in Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York, coordinating a Theatre program for high school students with special needs, and all the things I was born to do.
I know it’s convenient. It’s ready-to-eat, as long as you have a microwave thingy. The marketers know it too.
But look at it. It’s fake, processed, and probably addictive. It might claim to be healthy, but food that spoils is the healthy food. Prepared food in boxes is usually timeless. Doesn’t that scare you?
as often as you can, save boxed and canned foods (that claim to be “easy” because they’re already cooked for you) for famine.
I wear lipstick and green eye shadow when I workout. If I’m gonna sweat so much my hair frizzes and I can squeeze liquid me out of my top when I’m finished, I wanna look good doing those mad-crazy workouts.
If anyone thinks it’s weird, odd, vain, wack, ridiculous—whatever.
After I watch a movie, I like to debrief. It’s best done at a coffee shop or a bar. I want to talk about the story, characters, ending, my feelings. Everything.
If it’s odd, weird, too much—whatever.
Spend time alone every week. I use my journal for this. Every morning at 6:30, I’m alone but not totally. With my journal, I can hear my Interior Voice. It’s a guide.
You have a lot to teach yourself. Turn off the NOISE. Put your phone in a drawer. Stuff the remote control between the cushions. Take out your earbuds. Listen to yourself.
See ya next week.
Michelle Bernard
